that girl allison

I'm Allison. I see a ton of theatre. I'm a fan of Green Day, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists, Weezer, Oasis, Adam Rapp, Emily Giffin, and Shakespeare. I run sometimes, and do yoga always.

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thatgirlallison08 at gmail dot com

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reviews // Green Day // theatre // books // dating // broadway // movies // food // recipes // cooking // off-broadway // restaurants // upper west side // upper east side // american idiot

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Posts tagged "okcupid"

I had an incredibly boring date on Friday. And that’s being nice. There was nothing wrong with him, but we had zero to talk about. I ended the date by saying exactly that. I’m quite positive he was relieved too. I was home by 9pm on Friday and I caught up on some R&R while chatting extremely briefly with a dude on OkCupid. We exchanged pleasantries and phone numbers and said we’d possibly get coffee on Sunday.

Well, today was Sunday and we met up at Khave in Hell’s Kitchen and we had a relaxing two and a half hour discussion over teas, smoothies, and tortilla chips. He was German, which I’d somehow completely glossed over on his profile, so naturally I was very interested in the difference between the two countries. (The two countries being Germany and the US, of course.) This is what I learned this afternoon:

  • On a date in Germany people don’t ask questions like “what do you do for work?”
  • Germans aren’t as connected to the fake sense of self like what you do, your religion, your politics, etc.
  • He didn’t know anyone who was religious growing up. Religion is never talked about in politics.
  • Germans are very direct. They say what they think and ask you what you think, mean, need.
  • Germans are also not flakey like Americans.
  • Institutions, like schools, are not there to tell kids what’s right and wrong - that’s left up to the parents.
  • Germans do not like to flaunt their money. If they’re wealthy they try to hide it. Germans are also known for being cheap.
  • On their political spectrum, Bill Clinton would’ve been seen as a very conservative candidate.
  • Germans hated George w. Bush. (Who, with half a brain, didn’t?)
  • When you’re born in Germany, you’re registered under one of four major religious groups: catholic, Protestant, Jewish, or Muslim. But 60-70% of the country identifies as atheist.
  • Scientology isn’t regarded as a religion in Germany. It’s regarded more a cult with economical mindset.

We also discussed Backlash Theory, Malcolm Gladwell, and Freakanomics (which I have yet to read!). Though I don’t know if we’ll see each other again, I know I had a really good time talking to him and I could totally see being friends. 

On another note: If Germans are as direct as he says, I may need to think about learning German and moving there. Anyone have any tips for learning German?

Definitely the best message I’ve ever gotten on OkCupid. And now I think I’ll deactivate my account! 

I had three awesome dates in a week and a half with a guy. He was great. He was so happy and enthusiastic, all of the time. I loved it. He was adorable, and smart, too. Then he went away to play in a music festival in Massachusetts for three weeks. We hung out as soon as he arrived back in Brooklyn.

He spent the last two weeks being a “funk” and today when I told him, “Peace out, buddy,” he got upset. He apologized for having been a hermit for the last two weeks and that I did nothing wrong. He said he’d realized that he should probably be dating a fellow musician (musicians dating each other always works out, right?) but that he really, really wanted to stay friends.

He said he was trying really hard to be honest, and spent the last couple of weeks super depressed trying to figure out how best not to hurt my feelings. Sorry, dude. The best thing to do would’ve been to tell me as soon as you started avoiding hanging out with me that you just wanted to be friends. Not two weeks later.

The last guy I dated also wanted a medal when he finally admitted that he didn’t think we had much of a connection - four weeks after our last date.

I’m sorry, but no. 

After no word from a “friend” whom I was supposed to have dinner with on Saturday night (also to get back from him my Kundalini yoga DVD!), I picked myself up and went hung out at the bar that my friend was working at, Tangled Vine. Shortly after arriving, I grew restless and when I received a random message from a guy who was very attractive on OkCupid who was in town from Austin asking me for a drink, I did some super out-of-character and spontaneous:

I said yes.

We were going to meet at Felix on West Broadway, but it was a little loud when I got there so I popped across the street to Sanctuary T. The place was adorable, hip, quiet, and decently priced. The dude soon showed up and when I asked what he did in Austin, he said, “I manage a theatre company there.” 

Wow! What are the chances, right? I’d checked beforehand, but he was also super liberal (duh, he’s from Austin, but you can never be absolutely sure with Texans). He was very cute, and nice, but a little bit boring. We talked for an hour or so over drinks and then we parted ways.

It was nice to find out that there is a chance that you can get a message from a guy on OkCupid, asking you out for a drink, and he won’t be a total asshole.

I guess that’s the moral of this story. Because he might surprise you and work in your industry too.

Tonight in OkCupid Assholes: This dude. WHAT KIND OF AN OPENING LINE IS THAT?! And he lives in Stamford. And he looks like a coked-out banker. Next!

the best guy ever

So the last person I’d started chatting with before I closed my OKCupid account was this dude. He’s a biochemist at New York Presbyterian and very cute. He was older and seemed sweet, but a little awkward. Then we texted too much, and I put off meeting him for too long (a couple of weeks). We finally spoke on the phone one night during which he ended up admitting that he does his best programming when he’s in a relationship because that’s when he’s happiest. Oh, and also that when he doesn’t have a girlfriend he’s constantly on the look out for one.

As awesome as a super codependent boyfriend sounds, I’ll pass. I told him a few days later that I didn’t think we should meet. He apparently thought I was joking though because a week (or so) went by with no communication and then he texted me out of the blue to tell me he was in some fly-over state for work. I had deleted his number (and texts) so I had no idea who it was. When I finally guessed correctly, he said he’d thought I’d been kidding when I said I didn’t want to meet and that I couldn’t possibly be that callous.  

I didn’t tell him that he seemed like an obvious codependent head case and that was why I didn’t want to meet him. I didn’t feel the need to pass judgment on him, and it wouldn’t help him anyways. Because really, who likes being told what their issues are? You need to sort that shit out yourself.

I just laughed when I got this last text from him though. I’m sure he is one of the best guys ever. That’s totally why he’s single. He’s too awesome.

Bullet: dodged. 

I know people always say their significant other brings out the best in them and that’s great! But I didn’t know it was actual a thing to date someone who brought out the worst in you - or me, rather.

Remember the guy who liked to talk on the phone and who I had a semi-awful date with last week? He had all the best of intentions and was a genuinely sweet person, but he brought out the absolute worst in me. We had four or five dates and half of them started with him being unable to make plans, showing up late, and/or doing nothing but fighting with me.

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This is about right. I’ve dated a few guys this year, and if they weren’t socially awkward nerds, they were assholes. A couple were really great guys, but I found myself getting bored and realizing the chemistry wasn’t there.

I started out dating this guy after a four-month conscious hiatus from dating. He lived far away (in Connecticut) and was emotionally tone deaf. My guy friends who met him had some choice words about him. 

For three weeks I made the mistake of dating someone who worked at the company that I was interning at - that was kinda/sorta/very bad. I had one date with a random OkCupid dude who was a touring trumpet player (and quite a good one!), and then a handful of dates with a “tech founder” who lived in his parent’s loft. He claimed to be broke all the time, but was always going out. Now I don’t care if you live in your parents incredibly cool apartment rent-free and get your money from them as long as you don’t walk around claiming to be poor. Because that’s just obnoxious.

There were two very good dates with a cute guy from OkCupid who decided we had nothing in common and that we shouldn’t continue hanging out. And the one date with a banker who was a registered Republican (I didn’t know this beforehand!) and likened date rape to circumcision. Then I spent the last couple of months dating a really great guy. We had things in common, mutual friends, and enjoyed each others company. It was pretty relaxed. No games, no second guessing. It was nice.

Who the hell knows what 2013 has in store. But it will definitely involve fewer Republicans and in-denial trust fund kids. I’m getting better at asking for what I want and not accepting bullshit. These are all positive things, methinks.

Internet Week Geek Moment: Sam Yagan, CEO of OkCupid, and myself after a panel that he spoke on this morning about algorithms used on dating websites. I told him that I’d disabled my profile because of the results I was getting and when I asked if I could get a picture, he said, “Okay, but you have to promise to enable your profile again!” I’m considering it, but I’m not sure I want to open pandora’s box again. 

Hey, What’s going on? Not much here. I really would like to get to know you, and have sent you emails before, but never heard back from you, I get that either you could be uninterested, busy, or perhaps just missed my chance, but I’d rather write 1 last email for 2nd chance, then none at all, I really would love to talk, and discuss what we’re interested in, hobbies, what we like to do for fun, what makes us laugh and so on, so I can really learn more about you and see if there is any chemistry. I don’t really believe much into the OKCupid quiz, and my profile is not really going to give deep insight to my soul, so let’s talk, let me know what you’re cell is or instant messenger or something so we can communicate and take it from there… Thanks! I appreciate your time in reading this, and hopefully in giving me a chance. 

Talk about a boring message. I fell asleep before I finished it. Yes, this isn’t the first time he’s sent me a message and while persistence is appreciated in the real world, it’s just creepy online. He’s a 34yo Jerseyite. We don’t have anything in common [as evident by reading his profile]. I should totally respond, right? (Kidding.)  I hate OkCupid sometimes.