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Today in Things I Am Over we will discuss dating apps. Which I am over. Completely. Not that I ever had high hopes for them to begin with but with such low expectations, you’d think I’d have fun with at least one of them, right? They are all basically the same app, except Hinge pulls people who you have friends in common with on Facebook, so it’s not, like, totally sketchy. Just sort of, very sketchy.
Tinder is a joke, which is why I joined. The gross photos that I come across always make me laugh (and occasionally cringe). I met one guy for a drink once and he was very nice. He was a southern boy who ended up being in a very indie band that I like. He was flakey though. Like, we-couldn’t-seem-to-make-plans-to-get-together-in-the-six-weeks-since-our-first-date-flakey. Yet he was still texting me. I gave up on him. I think he was just sort of unknowingly stupid. Very sweet, but stupid.
Then there’s Hinge. This is a joke too but I’d heard it was better than Tinder, and I was like, ‘Why not!’ so I joined. Spoiler alert: It’s not better than Tinder. You get 15 matches a day and you can go through and say if you like anyone (ie. do I think this person is attractive?). I’ve matched with a bunch of guys but I haven’t actually met any of them in person. Why? I literally know nothing about the person from their profile. So, essentially, why would I want to meet them? Because they’re attractive? Not good enough. (For me, at least.) I was supposed to meet a guy for coffee today but I decided I was just that disinterested. I’m sure he was a nice person, but luckily I caught him via text before he got on the train from Park Slope to come to the UWS.
Then there’s Coffee Meet Bagel. This is a snooze. You get one match a day and if you both say you like each other, you get a text and you commence speaking and actually getting to know each other - as well as you can via text. I’ve met met one or two guys off this app. It’s OK, but I’m bored it at this point.
The problem with these apps? They’re pretty shallow. You’re going solely (for the most part) off whether or not you think the other person is attractive. For me, this is just not enough. You’re good looking? Well, congratulations on your genetics. Attraction for me comes from whether or not the other person is smart, witty, sardonic, etc. Chemistry, I guess.
Maybe part of the problem is that I don’t really feel like making the effort to date anyone right now. Yes, besides the fact that these apps are shitty, there is that fact too. I’ll be deleting these apps and I’ll stick to going out in the real world and see who is fed up them too.
My new thing is to chat with guys very seldom before I meet them. Otherwise you develop this ridiculous person that you think they are based on their texts and it’s usually incredibly off.
So, I went on a date last night with a guy who, online, in the brief time I’d chatted with him, seemed nice enough. He was cute - in a quirky way. We met at Ninth Ward downtown. It looked like a cool place and they had happy hour.
He was nice. He was really nice. And he was kind of cute in person. Still quirky. But there were way too many pauses in our conversation. I didn’t know what to say to him, and even worse, I didn’t care. I just wanted to finish my beer and go home. And eat. I was really hungry and I didn’t want to order food there and have to spend more time with this person who I’d never see again.
We decided we’d split the very minimal check (thank you, happy hour!) and when his debit card was declined twice, I picked up the tab. I was kind of pissed he didn’t even offer to swing by an ATM.
This is why I’ve never been on a date where I haven’t offered to pay my half. I can’t imagine how annoying it is to always pay for dates, even when they’re not going well. Sometimes the guys decline my offer, but sometimes they accept.
Lesson here is: Ladies, it’s the 20th century. Don’t expect your date to pay for your alcohol or food.
Awkward side note: Just noticed that this dude checked out my profile again at 2am last night. Oy vey.
Am I the only one that has been out on first dates where the guy has at least 4 drinks? I can’t be the only one. I think New York is swimming with guys who have drinking problems simply because we don’t have to worry about driving. Anyways, I went on a date today with a guy who does everything in his power not to go anywhere for drinks or food on first dates. He’s not in AA, but he just likes to lift the alcohol blinders off his dates. Which I can totally understand and appreciate.
We met in Central Park, in Strawberry Fields, with our DSLRs in hand, ready to take pictures and wander the paths. He was really nice. But slightly odd. We never took a single picture, but we wandered the paths for a couple of hours and talked. When I asked him how his experience dating in New York has been, he replied, “I don’t know. I haven’t given it much thought.” As though, why would you ever think about that instead of just going on with your day?
It was an odd experience. At one point he said, “Can I be honest with you for a second? You seem defensive,” which I definitely was because I had no idea what to make of this guy. I wasn’t really expecting anything, but he was unlike any guy I’ve met recently.
That said: I don’t really think he was a spark so I most likely will not be seeing him again.
That said, part deux: I’d like to try this Dating Sans the Alcohol Blinders thing again soon.