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thatgirlallison08 at gmail dot com
When I asked my yoga teacher for advice recently, she said that twenty-eight is the year when you really realize you’re an adult and starting setting boundaries for yourself. You start living up to own expectations. The ones that make you happy. Because if you’re not happy, you can’t make anyone else happy either.
It was so nice to hear that. It was a nice reminder that I’m not living solely to make others happy. As selfish as it may sound, I’m here to make myself happy. Once that’s taken care of I will make those around me happy effortlessly.
To hear that it was okay to not worry myself about keeping others satisfied was a relief. Oh OK, so I’m not a horrible person for not caving to codependency.
I’m a pretty boundary-less (boundless?) person so setting them will be a challenge. But nothing in life that’s worth doing is easy. That’s at least what I hear.
So I wrote this a long time ago, but I think it’s still relevant because even though I’ve been out on three dates with one guy, I’m still cautious and learning that my happiness doesn’t depend on whether or not he (any guy, really) calls.
The number one thing I’ve learned about myself in my four months of not dating? I have a life. I’ve filled the last four months with dinners, friends, drinks, books, movies, LOTS of theatre, and other events. None of which required a having a boyfriend or even just a guy that I was casually dating. My social life hasn’t been lacking at all since not having a guy in my life. I hate to admit it, but when I’m dating someone I don’t make plans until I know what that other person is doing. My social life is scheduled around when I’m seeing the other person. This is not okay.
Life has also lacked the drama that comes about when you’re dating someone (at least when I’M dating someone). I’m not sure if I can date and not be dramatic, but I think I’m getting better at this.
After five months of not dating, I went on a date on Memorial Day weekend. It was really relaxed and a lot of fun. I didn’t over analyze anything and I didn’t even freak out when I wasn’t in constant contact with him the following week. We spoke, briefly, via text. I’m not stressing anything anymore. We went out two other times but I think whatever we had has pretty much fizzled. Onwards!
But that’s not to say that I’m looking for someone else to date. I’m kind of enjoying having fun with my friends right now. I’m not feeling the need to date a bunch of people. The male attention isn’t as validating as it used to be. That is a good thing.
I know, if I’m so happy, why do I feel the need to blog about it. I guess for posterity so if I ever fall back to the dark side, I can remind myself of this time.