that girl allison

I'm Allison. I see a ton of theatre. I'm a fan of Green Day, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists, Weezer, Oasis, Adam Rapp, Emily Giffin, and Shakespeare. I run sometimes, and do yoga always.

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thatgirlallison08 at gmail dot com

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Posts tagged "life"

I was discussing with a friend yesterday the act of having children. He said it was selfless, I disagreed.  It’s an argument that a lot of people use for biologically procreating. Look: I’m not begrudging most of the human world for procreating or having the desire as it’s what we’re biologically programmed to do so there’s nothing wrong with that. I know people with kids and lots of my friends want kids. That’s totally cool! Great even! I’m just saying look at it for what it really is

Calling it selfish has an immediately negative connotation, right? But why? Selfishness is acting out of self-interest, says my friend, but isn’t 95% of what we do every day out of self-interest? And who are you having a child for if not for your own self (and your partner)? You’re not having a child for your friends, or your boss, or the mailman, or the dude that sits at the end of the bar at your favorite pub every day. You’re doing it for yourself. And presumably so you can raise a child in the way you think is right (more self-interest) and impress your set of beliefs upon him or her (self-interest?). 

If a person was really being selfless they would adopt one of the many of thousands (millions?) of children without homes. But most people make the (not bad or wrong but) selfish decision that they want a child from themselves who looks like them because anything but isn’t really their child. 

And they call it a selfless decision. 

I had two very wise people reinforce to me yesterday that when someone close to you is spiraling (addiction, codependence, etc.) the best thing - the only thing - you can do is let them spiral and hopefully they’ll hit the bottom and start to work things out. If not you go through life feeling like an enabler if you condone their behavior or they’ll be mad at you all the time for “shitting” on their dreams and happiness.

A friend once came to me for help because he thought he was an alcoholic (I 100% agreed). I referred him to another friend who’d been through (and is still going through) the sobering up after bottoming out and after one conversation he thought the whole AA thing was “weird” and asked that I never mention it again. He’s never gotten help and his behavior has only gotten more manic.

If I say anything, I’m being a “debbie downer” but I feel like I’m being super judgmental (in my own head) watching him continue on this path. I don’t like feeling like that and I’m not like that with any of my other friends. So, he’s a good friend, but I’m going to try to detach from him for a bit and let him do his thing. (No, he doesn’t read here. I don’t think he knows this blog exists.)

Has anyone else ever been through this? I know the bottom for someone doesn’t have to necessarily happen soon but I’d be lying if I said I hope it does because I don’t want to not have him as a friend for long.

But then again, this isn’t about me. 

This article was sent to me by my friend Elliot today. Great article. Traveling alone? Best decisions I’ve ever made. I spent so much time worrying what certain people think about me that it takes up a lot of mental real estate. It’s not fun and it drove me to start seeing a therapist (otherwise I would’ve started taking anti-anxiety meds that my general practioner had been trying to convince me to go on for years). I’m now walking the fine-line between Not Giving a Fuck and Being An Asshole. Hey, it takes time. 

Last year I finally realized that there was nothing wrong with me and I was a good person. It was a nice realization. It helped me let go of my ego (as ironic as that seems), just let people talk, and not take it personally. 

When I asked my yoga teacher for advice recently, she said that twenty-eight is the year when you really realize you’re an adult and starting setting boundaries for yourself. You start living up to own expectations. The ones that make you happy. Because if you’re not happy, you can’t make anyone else happy either.

It was so nice to hear that. It was a nice reminder that I’m not living solely to make others happy. As selfish as it may sound, I’m here to make myself happy. Once that’s taken care of I will make those around me happy effortlessly.

To hear that it was okay to not worry myself about keeping others satisfied was a relief. Oh OK, so I’m not a horrible person for not caving to codependency.

I’m a pretty boundary-less (boundless?) person so setting them will be a challenge. But nothing in life that’s worth doing is easy. That’s at least what I hear.

(via wallcuddler)
every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.
I spend a lot of time worrying about stupid shit. I’m definitely going to die of a fatal disease even though I know I’m 100% healthy. My teeth are going to fall out of my gums at any second even though I haven’t had a cavity in over three years. And I’m definitely, definitely, definitely going to never find a job I’m good at and I’m going to eventually go broke.I started sending out letters and applying for real full-time jobs again in early/mid-November, and when I hadn’t even gotten so much as an interview after one week, I got all Hannah-esque from Girls, “I am unfit for any and all paying jobs!”Well, thankfully, that’s not true.I had five or six interviews in the last 2-3 weeks and ended up being offered three great jobs last week. I took the one that I thought would be a challenge, was 100% concerning numbers, and was at what many people said was an AWESOME company to work for. Another job wouldn’t have been challenging at all and choosing it definitely would’ve been playing it safe (and boring), and while the third job was at another awesome company working with a powerhouse ass-kicking woman, the pay was just too low.
The above picture is from last Wednesday after I’d negotiated a salary and accepted one of those three job offers. I went to my old haunt on West 57th Street to visit some old coworkers. I told them I’d accepted a job offer and we found whatever tequila was currently being housed in their freezer and toasted. So, in exactly one week I will start a new job that will put my strengths (numbers, spreadsheets, and organization) to work, and I’m excited (and also scared). Wish me luck.

every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.

I spend a lot of time worrying about stupid shit. I’m definitely going to die of a fatal disease even though I know I’m 100% healthy. My teeth are going to fall out of my gums at any second even though I haven’t had a cavity in over three years. And I’m definitely, definitely, definitely going to never find a job I’m good at and I’m going to eventually go broke.

I started sending out letters and applying for real full-time jobs again in early/mid-November, and when I hadn’t even gotten so much as an interview after one week, I got all Hannah-esque from Girls, “I am unfit for any and all paying jobs!

Well, thankfully, that’s not true.

I had five or six interviews in the last 2-3 weeks and ended up being offered three great jobs last week. I took the one that I thought would be a challenge, was 100% concerning numbers, and was at what many people said was an AWESOME company to work for. Another job wouldn’t have been challenging at all and choosing it definitely would’ve been playing it safe (and boring), and while the third job was at another awesome company working with a powerhouse ass-kicking woman, the pay was just too low.

The above picture is from last Wednesday after I’d negotiated a salary and accepted one of those three job offers. I went to my old haunt on West 57th Street to visit some old coworkers. I told them I’d accepted a job offer and we found whatever tequila was currently being housed in their freezer and toasted. So, in exactly one week I will start a new job that will put my strengths (numbers, spreadsheets, and organization) to work, and I’m excited (and also scared). Wish me luck.

The above was my view for over three years. Stunning, right? A building was recently built in front of that view and one week and a few days ago I was laid off at work. I’ve spent the last week meeting with recruiters, sending emails to former bosses, colleagues, and friends, and sending out resumes and cover letters when I see jobs that interest me listed.

My employer didn’t think he needed an assistant anymore after three years and some company restructuring. To be honest, I wasn’t doing all that much and what I was doing wasn’t my ideal. I was given a generous severance package so this was, by all means, the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I actually have time (and money!) to look for a job I love.  Would I have liked more to leave on my own terms with a job waiting for me at the other side of the rainbow? Of course, but this was the next best thing that could happen. 

Also? I have now have time to get up early to get rush tickets to shows during the week (when the lines are much shorter)… which was where I was as I was writing this, at Death of a Salesman. I’ve also been cooking more and going to more yoga. Silver lining, right?

My world was unexpectedly shaken up, but I’m looking at it as a positive. That view is gone, so maybe that was a sign that my time was done too. And now the obligatory, if you hear of anything, let me know… :)

So I wrote this a long time ago, but I think it’s still relevant because even though I’ve been out on three dates with one guy, I’m still cautious and learning that my happiness doesn’t depend on whether or not he (any guy, really) calls. 

The number one thing I’ve learned about myself in my four months of not dating?  I have a life.  I’ve filled the last four months with dinners, friends, drinks, books, movies, LOTS of theatre, and other events.  None of which required a having a boyfriend or even just a guy that I was casually dating.  My social life hasn’t been lacking at all since not having a guy in my life.  I hate to admit it, but when I’m dating someone I don’t make plans until I know what that other person is doing.  My social life is scheduled around when I’m seeing the other person.  This is not okay.  

Life has also lacked the drama that comes about when you’re dating someone (at least when I’M dating someone).  I’m not sure if I can date and not be dramatic, but I think I’m getting better at this. 

After five months of not dating, I went on a date on Memorial Day weekend.  It was really relaxed and a lot of fun.  I didn’t over analyze anything and I didn’t even freak out when I wasn’t in constant contact with him the following week.  We spoke, briefly, via text.  I’m not stressing anything anymore.  We went out two other times but I think whatever we had has pretty much fizzled.  Onwards!

But that’s not to say that I’m looking for someone else to date.  I’m kind of enjoying having fun with my friends right now.  I’m not feeling the need to date a bunch of people.  The male attention isn’t as validating as it used to be.  That is a good thing.  

I know, if I’m so happy, why do I feel the need to blog about it.  I guess for posterity so if I ever fall back to the dark side, I can remind myself of this time.