that girl allison

I'm Allison. I see a ton of theatre. I'm a fan of Green Day, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists, Weezer, Oasis, Adam Rapp, Emily Giffin, and Shakespeare. I run sometimes, and do yoga always.

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thatgirlallison08 at gmail dot com

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Posts tagged "dating"

I had a helluva day at work yesterday. After kicking ass for almost three weeks straight, some shit hit the fan. All at the same time. (That said: I’m trying not to think about it endlessly and kill myself over it.)

After a bad day do you know what’s not a good idea? Going on a date. With alcohol. And no food. But you know what I did?

I went on a date. After a bad day. Had two drinks. Without food.

Yeah, it was spectacular. After he announced that his 34 year old self really wanted kids. I should’ve just left it there but I didn’t. I ended up yelling at him. 

Obviously I’m not seeing him again (nor would I want to), but I did send him a message this morning apologizing for being so… feisty (?) on my his first date in 3 years.

Let’s review the math: Date + drinks + bad day = A bad combination.

Lesson learned. 

After a week of two dates (beer) and two work outings (food + alcohol), I decided to take the weekend to detox. I used the above plan and it was easy. I went to Digg Inn for lunch on Sunday and consume what is now my new favorite meal - grains on spinach with chopped vegetables. 

And tea? I could drink tea all day, every day. I may have fallen for the whole gluten-free craze though. I might try to limit my gluten consumption, because… why not? I don’t think it’s bad for you in moderation, but I think we eat too much of it (as it goes with many things in our gluttonous country). And I’ve discovered a lot of things I love don’t have any gluten in them at all: rice cakes, brown rice, quinoa, chicken, peanut butter, almond milk, Greek yogurt. Easy.

I just feel a little bit lighter now after my detox. I’ve also started insisting on coffee dates instead of bar dates. We’ll see how that goes.

My new thing is to chat with guys very seldom before I meet them. Otherwise you develop this ridiculous person that you think they are based on their texts and it’s usually incredibly off.

So, I went on a date last night with a guy who, online, in the brief time I’d chatted with him, seemed nice enough. He was cute - in a quirky way. We met at Ninth Ward downtown. It looked like a cool place and they had happy hour.

He was nice. He was really nice. And he was kind of cute in person. Still quirky. But there were way too many pauses in our conversation. I didn’t know what to say to him, and even worse, I didn’t care. I just wanted to finish my beer and go home. And eat. I was really hungry and I didn’t want to order food there and have to spend more time with this person who I’d never see again. 

We decided we’d split the very minimal check (thank you, happy hour!) and when his debit card was declined twice, I picked up the tab. I was kind of pissed he didn’t even offer to swing by an ATM.

This is why I’ve never been on a date where I haven’t offered to pay my half. I can’t imagine how annoying it is to always pay for dates, even when they’re not going well. Sometimes the guys decline my offer, but sometimes they accept. 

Lesson here is: Ladies, it’s the 20th century. Don’t expect your date to pay for your alcohol or food. 

Awkward side note: Just noticed that this dude checked out my profile again at 2am last night. Oy vey. 

Am I the only one that has been out on first dates where the guy has at least 4 drinks? I can’t be the only one. I think New York is swimming with guys who have drinking problems simply because we don’t have to worry about driving. Anyways, I went on a date today with a guy who does everything in his power not to go anywhere for drinks or food on first dates. He’s not in AA, but he just likes to lift the alcohol blinders off his dates. Which I can totally understand and appreciate. 

We met in Central Park, in Strawberry Fields, with our DSLRs in hand, ready to take pictures and wander the paths. He was really nice. But slightly odd. We never took a single picture, but we wandered the paths for a couple of hours and talked. When I asked him how his experience dating in New York has been, he replied, “I don’t know. I haven’t given it much thought.” As though, why would you ever think about that instead of just going on with your day? 

It was an odd experience. At one point he said, “Can I be honest with you for a second? You seem defensive,” which I definitely was because I had no idea what to make of this guy. I wasn’t really expecting anything, but he was unlike any guy I’ve met recently.

That said: I don’t really think he was a spark so I most likely will not be seeing him again.

That said, part deux: I’d like to try this Dating Sans the Alcohol Blinders thing again soon. 

Honestly? I really don’t like Valentine’s Day. I’m very happy that my man is flying up tonight to see me, but we’re not going out to dinner (we did have reservations but I asked him if he’d mind if we got Levain, beer, and chicken wings instead at a pub on the UWS - he was happy to oblige). But this date just happened to fall on a weekend so we said, why not

I’ve had a terrible habit of breaking up with guys that I’m seeing, casually or otherwise, within 1-7 days of this holiday. I can’t take the pressure. 

So, since I technically have a valentine this year, and the pressure is basically off (no parading around like we’re all pro-Valentine’s Day), I’m trying to calm down and just have fun eating some chocolate. 

We’re doing a cheesy Valentine’s Day thing at work and we all had to make “card bags” and mine properly reflects my feelings towards the holiday:

Happy chocolate, cupcake, and sex day!

… use the term “date night,” you all have permission to punch me in the neck. 

Because you know what this means? It means that you stay home with your significant other a majority of the time now (which, btw, is totally fine) and you feel the need to broadcast your trip to Applebees or Chili’s* to your 500 bff’s on the interwebs that you’re actually leaving the house.

What’s better than staying home with your significant other, cooking, drinking some wine, and watching a movie? Very little. But when you actually stop having sex for a long enough span of time to get dressed and go somewhere? This is not “date night.” This is just going out because you’d like to eat something specific or you’re too lazy to cook (again: nothing wrong with either one of those reasons).

Stop trying to prove to the internets that you’re still exciting. If you want to go out somewhere, go. No need to make a national holiday out of it. 

*Also: If Applebees or Chili’s ever become acceptable establishments to eat at with my significant other (and not ironically), this is also a cause for concern.

I had a coffee date on Saturday with a dude. I wasn’t very excited because he was a) an actor and b) a vegan. Now I’m a huge believer in “eat everything in healthy moderation,” but I know there are vegans out there and to each their own. So the fact that this guy being a vegan made me think twice about him was very silly.

But the actor thing? Ugh. I’ve dated actors before. I mean, I went to school for theatre (not acting myself, but management) so I was around them all the time. I dated a lot of them. I can’t exactly get on their schedule while having a 8:30am-whenever-ish PM job. This, while less silly, was another silly reason. 

So, we met up at Joe in Columbia’s atrium on 120th Street. I love that place, it’s awesome. So we grabbed a couple of drinks and sat outside in the courtyard. We talked really easily. It was a good time. When it got too chilly, we came back inside and took two chairs and sat in front of one of the windows of the atrium. 

We talked on and on and on about music and theatre, families and where we grew up, religion and politics. And then he quickly through in, “Do you want kids?” And I quickly replied, “Nope. You?” and he looked relieved and replied in agreement. Instant bond.

It’s really rare to find someone that you get along with who also doesn’t want children. And it’s not that I hate kids, it’s just that they’re a real timesuck, they’re expensive, and I don’t think I’m meant to have them (meaning I don’t have the right disposition to deal with them). I look forward to being the awesome, super-cool aunt to my friend’s kids, for sure. I will buy them a copy of the Rent cast recording when they turn 10 (which will be so un-edgy by then that it will be like listening to a nursery rhyme) and I’ll totally be there when they are 15 or 16 and want to go on the pill. But my own? Nah. 

Now, who knows, I could change my mind at 40, but for the foreseeable future, I’m definitely not into the idea. I’m also not willing to make a life-changing decision right now because there’s a chance I might want it when I’m 40. That’s just silly. And am I willing to compromise that for a great guy? Absolutely not. That happened once already - he was totally cute and definitely a catch, but he wanted “a bunch” of children. So, we’re friends. 

The vegan actor and I said we wanted to hang out again, so we’ll see. I have no expectations. But at least we got one very important question out of the way sooner rather than later. 

I have this really bad habit of holding things that guys have done to me in the past (wah - victim alert!) against new guys I meet in the future. I don’t go around boasting, “men are awful, horrible people. all of them,” because a lot of my really close friends are guys and because it’s just not true. But I also forget that some people just suck.

I went on two dates last week with a guy who was really sweet and we really started clicking at the end of our second date last Sunday. He asked if I wanted to go to trivia night at a bar near my apartment (he also used to live in my neighborhood) and I said yes, and it was planned.

He texted me on Tuesday to say that he was really stressed out at work and would sadly have to cancel but could he take a rain check. Also being slammed at work, I said yes, of course, that’s fine. My week flew by and before I knew it, it was Friday night and I sent him a quick text saying that I hoped his week was winding down.

That was Friday night and I never heard back from him. Maybe it’s because this was a person that I only knew for a week-ish, but I’m not really bothered this time. Because, as one of my good guy friends reminded me last night, some people just suck and you can’t hold that against every one else. 

Sometimes there’s a moment when you’re at a friend’s party and you see someone across a room who you might recognize but you don’t know from where. You exchange glances until one of you (him) breaks the silence and comes over to say hello. You talk for hours and when you decide to leave the party and there’s no paper to be found, he writes his number on your arm and, with pleading eyes, says you really have to call or text him. You both know that you have to see each other again.And you do text him, the very next morning because why play games? He says he’s waiting for the bus and going back DC, where he lives. You text and talk daily for the next weeks and you somehow gather the courage to ask him to be your date to your girlfriend’s wedding, since he’d planned to come up the next day to hang out anyway. To your absolute shock he accepts, excitedly even.He’s a wicked dancer and super personable. You’re totally impressed. You spend the weekend together, talking and getting to know one another. You eat pizza, drink wine, stroll through Central Park, watch an awful movie on Netflix.Before he leaves he thanks you for a brilliant weekend, and for showing him a part of New York that he’d never seen before that he quite liked. As you watch him drive away, you smile and think how nice it was to get to know a new person and you admit that you might not see him again for a while. But you definitely enjoyed the escape from reality for the weekend.

Sometimes there’s a moment when you’re at a friend’s party and you see someone across a room who you might recognize but you don’t know from where. You exchange glances until one of you (him) breaks the silence and comes over to say hello. You talk for hours and when you decide to leave the party and there’s no paper to be found, he writes his number on your arm and, with pleading eyes, says you really have to call or text him. You both know that you have to see each other again.

And you do text him, the very next morning because why play games? He says he’s waiting for the bus and going back DC, where he lives. You text and talk daily for the next weeks and you somehow gather the courage to ask him to be your date to your girlfriend’s wedding, since he’d planned to come up the next day to hang out anyway. To your absolute shock he accepts, excitedly even.

He’s a wicked dancer and super personable. You’re totally impressed. You spend the weekend together, talking and getting to know one another. You eat pizza, drink wine, stroll through Central Park, watch an awful movie on Netflix.

Before he leaves he thanks you for a brilliant weekend, and for showing him a part of New York that he’d never seen before that he quite liked. As you watch him drive away, you smile and think how nice it was to get to know a new person and you admit that you might not see him again for a while. But you definitely enjoyed the escape from reality for the weekend.

Definitely the best message I’ve ever gotten on OkCupid. And now I think I’ll deactivate my account!