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thatgirlallison08 at gmail dot com
I know people always say their significant other brings out the best in them and that’s great! But I didn’t know it was actual a thing to date someone who brought out the worst in you - or me, rather.
Remember the guy who liked to talk on the phone and who I had a semi-awful date with last week? He had all the best of intentions and was a genuinely sweet person, but he brought out the absolute worst in me. We had four or five dates and half of them started with him being unable to make plans, showing up late, and/or doing nothing but fighting with me.
I was in the worst of moods ever yesterday. Like, ever. I promise you.
I woke up yesterday, slightly tired and a little bit hazy from the cheap vodka I’d had a bit of the night before at the worst bar ever, but ready to tackle the day. First up was one of my favorite ass-kicking yoga classes with one of my favorite teachers. It was great until she told us to kick up into a headstand. I was wobbly and couldn’t do it on my own. And my mat was sliding around. It seemed everything was going wrong and my world was collapsing in on me (drama queen moment).
The Friday before last I was supposed to meet a guy after work for drinks, but when I woke up it was a blizzard outside so I texted him about canceling. it was 7:30 in the morning but minutes after I texted him, he called me.
He used the phone and called me. I can’t remember the last time a guy called me. Maybe because I have a tendency to date introverts who have a phobia of talking on the phone. Or maybe it’s because everyone texts nowadays anyways, and whenever their phones ring, they look a little confused at the ringing, blinking object in their hand.
He’s called me a couple of times since our date too. And it was kind of nice. Because I can’t read into a phone call the way I can read into a text (and if you’re female, you know what I mean because, shut up, you do it too). There are actual emotions in people’s voices when you talk to them on the phone (I’m Captain Obvious today). I think my past relationships have been screwed up at one point or another from the reliance on text-only communication (among other things).
Mass bitchiness on my end was avoided the other day when he texted me to tell me he was getting stuck late at work for an hour and I said let’s reschedule. He said, “I’m not doing this via text. Call me when you can.” Had we continued through text, anything I said would’ve come across as passive aggressive. Instead, I heard his voice and how sorry he was, and how he insisted that he just wanted to spend time with me.
It’s taken a bit of getting used to, but slowly, I’m getting used to it.
So, I had been dating a guy since the end of September. We’d met a few years back through mutual friends and we reconnected when he found (and read) my write-up about Green Day at Irving Plaza. He was really, really awesome. He was respectful, sweet, and funny, among other things. We had a lot of fun when we were together. He enjoyed theatre when I dragged him, we saw a few good movies, and we rarely drank (I hate drinking on dates to be honest). For the most part, I was completely myself with him.
What was missing was a spark. We were more like friends who made-out occasionally than people who were dating and heading towards a relationship.
For the last month or so, I tortured myself with regards to what to do about this. It’d gotten to the point that I assumed he must’ve also known this was going nowhere, but a friend told me not to assume what was going on in someone’s head.
I was told by a couple of friends that you do not go out to dinner with someone to break up with them. What? This was all news to me. I thought the adult thing to do was to do it in person? So, I avoided that and we ended up chatting last night. I felt horrifically awful once the words spilled out, but it turns out that he felt exactly the same way. And, yes, he wanted very much to stay friends too.
I was so fucking relieved. We both cared about one another, but we realized we’d let this go on for a bit too long and it was time to be adults.
It was initially the hardest thing I’ve done in a while, but also one of the best. Would it have been as awesome had he not felt the same way? Probably not, but he did! And I’m so ecstatic. Because he’s an awesome guy.
And hopefully we’ll continue to be awesome friends.
I had meant to write this earlier this week, but time completely got away for me. I have a bunch of stuff to be grateful for this year (as most people I know on Tumblr do).
I think that’s good for now. What were you guys thankful for?