that girl allison

the best guy ever

So the last person I’d started chatting with before I closed my OKCupid account was this dude. He’s a biochemist at New York Presbyterian and very cute. He was older and seemed sweet, but a little awkward. Then we texted too much, and I put off meeting him for too long (a couple of weeks). We finally spoke on the phone one night during which he ended up admitting that he does his best programming when he’s in a relationship because that’s when he’s happiest. Oh, and also that when he doesn’t have a girlfriend he’s constantly on the look out for one.

As awesome as a super codependent boyfriend sounds, I’ll pass. I told him a few days later that I didn’t think we should meet. He apparently thought I was joking though because a week (or so) went by with no communication and then he texted me out of the blue to tell me he was in some fly-over state for work. I had deleted his number (and texts) so I had no idea who it was. When I finally guessed correctly, he said he’d thought I’d been kidding when I said I didn’t want to meet and that I couldn’t possibly be that callous.

I didn’t tell him that he seemed like an obvious codependent head case and that was why I didn’t want to meet him. I didn’t feel the need to pass judgment on him, and it wouldn’t help him anyways. Because really, who likes being told what their issues are? You need to sort that shit out yourself.

I just laughed when I got this last text from him though. I’m sure he is one of the best guys ever. That’s totally why he’s single. He’s too awesome.

Bullet: dodged.

Bringing Out the Worst

I know people always say their significant other brings out the best in them and that’s great! But I didn’t know it was actual a thing to date someone who brought out the worst in you - or me, rather.

Remember the guy who liked to talk on the phone and who I had a semi-awful date with last week? He had all the best of intentions and was a genuinely sweet person, but he brought out the absolute worst in me. We had four or five dates and half of them started with him being unable to make plans, showing up late, and/or doing nothing but fighting with me.

A real, live unicorn of a guy.

The Friday before last I was supposed to meet a guy after work for drinks, but when I woke up it was a blizzard outside so I texted him about canceling. it was 7:30 in the morning but minutes after I texted him, he called me.

He used the phone and called me. I can’t remember the last time a guy called me. Maybe because I have a tendency to date introverts who have a phobia of talking on the phone. Or maybe it’s because everyone texts nowadays anyways, and whenever their phones ring, they look a little confused at the ringing, blinking object in their hand.

He’s called me a couple of times since our date too. And it was kind of nice. Because I can’t read into a phone call the way I can read into a text (and if you’re female, you know what I mean because, shut up, you do it too). There are actual emotions in people’s voices when you talk to them on the phone (I’m Captain Obvious today). I think my past relationships have been screwed up at one point or another from the reliance on text-only communication (among other things).

Mass bitchiness on my end was avoided the other day when he texted me to tell me he was getting stuck late at work for an hour and I said let’s reschedule. He said, “I’m not doing this via text. Call me when you can.” Had we continued through text, anything I said would’ve come across as passive aggressive. Instead, I heard his voice and how sorry he was, and how he insisted that he just wanted to spend time with me.

It’s taken a bit of getting used to, but slowly, I’m getting used to it.

The Best Break-Up Ever.

So, I had been dating a guy since the end of September. We’d met a few years back through mutual friends and we reconnected when he found (and read) my write-up about Green Day at Irving Plaza. He was really, really awesome. He was respectful, sweet, and funny, among other things. We had a lot of fun when we were together. He enjoyed theatre when I dragged him, we saw a few good movies, and we rarely drank (I hate drinking on dates to be honest). For the most part, I was completely myself with him.

What was missing was a spark. We were more like friends who made-out occasionally than people who were dating and heading towards a relationship.

For the last month or so, I tortured myself with regards to what to do about this. It’d gotten to the point that I assumed he must’ve also known this was going nowhere, but a friend told me not to assume what was going on in someone’s head.

I was told by a couple of friends that you do not go out to dinner with someone to break up with them. What? This was all news to me. I thought the adult thing to do was to do it in person? So, I avoided that and we ended up chatting last night. I felt horrifically awful once the words spilled out, but it turns out that he felt exactly the same way. And, yes, he wanted very much to stay friends too.

I was so fucking relieved. We both cared about one another, but we realized we’d let this go on for a bit too long and it was time to be adults.

It was initially the hardest thing I’ve done in a while, but also one of the best. Would it have been as awesome had he not felt the same way? Probably not, but he did! And I’m so ecstatic. Because he’s an awesome guy.

And hopefully we’ll continue to be awesome friends.

My mom asked me the most mind-blowing question last weekend: “So, during the dating process, when do you stop going Dutch?”

Wait, what?! So now men are expected to pay not just for the first date, but for all subsequent dates too? Whoa. I was shocked, to say the least. I love my mom very much, but her views are sometimes antiquated when it comes to dating and gender roles.

I’m barely comfortable letting guys buy me a drink (or dinner) on a first date. I’ve also had first dates where we’ve gone Dutch, which is totally fine too. I didn’t date much this year because I was unemployed and dating is expensive. I don’t ever want to burden someone with the expense of entertaining me. I can entertain myself, thankyouverymuch. This is the 21st century and I’m not looking for a guy to take care of me. I don’t want to feel that indebted to someone. Marriage isn’t that high on my to-do list for life.

I would love to find someone to be a partner-in-crime, a best friend, confidante, and roomie, but he should never come at me saying something like, “I could totally afford you.” I think I’d literally LOL and show him (or myself) to the door.

(This photo is a piece of art that I saw in Homegoods the other day. I really like it. I might buy it.)

If it’s right, you literally can’t screw it up.

I’m finally starting to believe that. Not because of any one person or situation, but because of something that dawned on me this week. I realized recently that I’ve spent the last few years covering up myself for the sake of dating guys who I thought were awesome, and who need to be exposed to me slowly - not all at one shot. Because that was apparently too much to handle, I presumed.

I mean, yes, I’m my outspoken, (somewhat) stubborn self in person. I can’t hide that. But on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr? It’s a different story. I’ve always been worried that guys would read something I’ve written or tweeted and decide they didn’t like me. That would be the end of a fantastic love story that hadn’t even begun. (Oy.)

Then my cousin finally beat it into my head that if said-guys don’t like that side of me upfront that they probably won’t like that side of me a month or two down the line. And isn’t it better to find that out upfront before you get attached?

And the lightbulb went off. Well, YES. Wow.

I will post some slightly narcissistic photos of my outfits on Facebook and if they think that makes me too shallow, screw ‘em. Or as I’ve been known to write that I think everyone’s guns (including the cops) should be taken away and someone thinks that’s too liberal? Well good. I don’t want to date someone who’s a gun enthusiast. (These aren’t things that’ve happened in the past, but things that I’ve been afraid of happening in the past.)

So, that’s it. I’m flawed, as we all are, and I refuse to keep hiding it for no reason whatsoever. There will be someone who finds my over analytical, super-liberal quirks endearing someday.

So today I saw “The Other Place” at Manhattan Theatre Club’s Samuel Friedman Theatre (review to come - it was heavy, but I liked it). I chatted very briefly with a middle aged guy who was wearing a hat made out of an entire fox. I ran into him again shortly before the show began and he told me, “In case you ever want to hang out, I want you to have this. I think you’re lovely.”

While his sentiment was nice, he was creepy and this card that he gave me was ridiculous. He obviously does this on a daily basis. So, even though he’s a Scorpio (/insert sarcasm), I will not be contacting him. I thought this was funny though.

This is about right. I’ve dated a few guys this year, and if they weren’t socially awkward nerds, they were assholes. A couple were really great guys, but I found myself getting bored and realizing the chemistry wasn’t there.

I started out dating this guy after a four-month conscious hiatus from dating. He lived far away (in Connecticut) and was emotionally tone deaf. My guy friends who met him had some choice words about him.

For three weeks I made the mistake of dating someone who worked at the company that I was interning at - that was kinda/sorta/very bad. I had one date with a random OkCupid dude who was a touring trumpet player (and quite a good one!), and then a handful of dates with a “tech founder” who lived in his parent’s loft. He claimed to be broke all the time, but was always going out. Now I don’t care if you live in your parents incredibly cool apartment rent-free and get your money from them as long as you don’t walk around claiming to be poor. Because that’s just obnoxious.

There were two very good dates with a cute guy from OkCupid who decided we had nothing in common and that we shouldn’t continue hanging out. And the one date with a banker who was a registered Republican (I didn’t know this beforehand!) and likened date rape to circumcision. Then I spent the last couple of months dating a really great guy. We had things in common, mutual friends, and enjoyed each others company. It was pretty relaxed. No games, no second guessing. It was nice.

Who the hell knows what 2013 has in store. But it will definitely involve fewer Republicans and in-denial trust fund kids. I’m getting better at asking for what I want and not accepting bullshit. These are all positive things, methinks.

Things To Be Grateful For…

I had meant to write this earlier this week, but time completely got away for me. I have a bunch of stuff to be grateful for this year (as most people I know on Tumblr do).

That I Never Have To Say ‘President Romney’: Seriously? So thankful.
My parents: For being so supportive during this trying year with all it’s ups and downs, and for telling me over and over that because of my severance I was definitely not going to go broke doing the internship that I’m finishing up soon. And also to my mother for Googling my anxiety issue and finding out that it could be related to the TBI that I experienced when I was 11, and helping me find a doctor who can most likely help me with it.
My internship: My internship has been such a great experience this semester. It was the perfect re-submersion into the industry that I love so much. I do spreadsheets and Quickbooks and contracts, and I love it. I’ve met so many great people and I’ve learned so much. I hope I can take what I’ve learned and apply it to a fantastic job. I’m also thankful that I was financially able to do this internship without also having to work 3 extra jobs. (Again, thank you, severance.)
My Friends: They know who they are. They listened to me bitch and complain about a guy that I was seeing this year and helped me celebrate when I finally cut him loose. They put up with a lot of crap from me. They deserve a medal.
My Health: I went to the dentist yesterday and had no cavities. That’s pretty awesome. I need to schedule my physical but I’m assuming that I’m fine. I’m also thankful that I was able to lose somewhere around thirty pounds in the last year through calorie counting (on My Fitness Pal), yoga, and running.
Yoga: I’m super grateful that I can still afford this membership and that I can go 3-4x/week. Yoga is the best thing ever.
Being Laid Off: In April, I was laid off. It was sudden and a shock. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I was given a generous severance package and it turned out to be the best thing. I was so comfortable there that I probably never would have left if I wasn’t pushed. Did I ever mention that my job bored me to death?
The Handful of Guys I Dated This Year: Thank you for teaching me about myself and what I want. Without your sometimes questionable behavior, I wouldn’t have the standards I do right now.
The Rest of the 2012-2013 Broadway Season: Thank goodness we have you left because the fall has left me uninspired.
Seeing Green Day at Irving Plaza in September: There are no words (okay, maybe there were a few). That night was magical.

I think that’s good for now. What were you guys thankful for?