that girl allison

Jew-Lite.

For the first time in a long time last night I was offended, and a bit pissed off.  If you know me, you know that almost nothing offends me.

I met up for drinks with a friend last night who I hadn’t seen since our one date back in February or March (we both for the life of us can’t remember which month exactly).  We’d gone on one date, had a good time, and then he admitted to me that he wasn’t ready to date and that he was severely fucked up from his last relationship of two years – which had ended the week prior (I guess I have really bad timing?).  I was upset at this conclusion but thought, hey, at least he was honest with me and didn’t just fall off the face of the planet (like uh, someone who I won’t name).  I wasn’t mad at him, though I honestly believed that if I was “the one”* for him, timing would not have mattered.  I told him this last night and he disagreed.  He insisted that it was his messed up state-of-mind due his last relationship and nothing else.  I said we’ll agree to disagree.

But we’d stayed in touch now-and-then via email since the winter and we made plans recently to get drinks last night at Prohibition on the UWS.  The bartender there is super nice and it’s actually a really cool laid-back bar.  This “drinks-getting” was not a date at ALL.  This was just two people who happened to have gone on a date months ago catching up.  Somehow we got onto the topic of our date and why it didn’t work out and his state-of-mind, etc.  He then also added that he couldn’t have gotten serious with me because his mother really wants him to marry a Jewish girl.  I’m only a half-Jew (a McJew – an Irish Jew, as my mother calls my brother and I), and one who pretty detests religion altogether.  He admitted what a stupid reason this was, but he really felt he owed his parents.  I was stunned; this had never been said to me before.  I was really offended and really saddened for him that he could be so foolish (and I feel awful saying that because he really is a great person, one that I could’ve seen myself dating).  It’s your relationship, not your parents’ relationship.  So, now, I’m just extremely confused as to how someone could be manipulated in such a way by their parents.  But like, I said, he is a really, extremely great guy - funny, smart, sweet, cute, good job, etc. - so I wish him all of the best, of course.  We’re going to stay friends, though not for the possiblity of anything else - I’m not pulling a Charlotte York.  This McJew converts for no one.

We can just file this under: “another reason why religion is a big waste of time and all religious texts should be burned and forgotten about.”

*I don’t believe in “the one.”  I believe there are many “ones” for each person.

My Thoughts on Long Term Relationships

I’m not counting on any of this to sound 100% coherent but I want to say this because this is how I feel, and I feel it needs to be said.  I don’t believe that anyone should marry anyone they got into a relationship with in high school or college.  I don’t believe people will ever fully mature if they are stuck in a relationship from when you are immature.  Who you are when you’re 16, 17, 18, 19.. even 22.. is not who you will be when you’re 30.

Case in point: When I left for college, I stayed in a relationship with my boyfriend from high school, and any time I wanted to go out with my roommates or anyone from college, my college boyfriend, Chris, scoffed, “But that’s not who you are!”  Basically, I wasn’t allowed to change because it wasn’t who I was, in his mind.

I saw an orthodox Jew on the train today, who looked no older than 20 (literally, 20. And he was wearing a backpack which meant he was young and probably still in school).  Then a shiny gold band caught my eye, on his left ring finger.  I sighed and couldn’t look at him again for the rest of the ride (sad because he was cute!).  (Read: Another reason why religion is ridiculous.)  I hope his sizable future-salary as a lawyer or accountant can pay for the divorce.

More idiocy?  A friend from high school texted me shortly after Christmas to let me know that he’d purposed to his girlfriend of 1.5-2ish years. I feigned good-wishes, but eventually, I couldn’t hold it in that I thought he was making a huge mistake.

I’m not a fan of saying things to people just because it’s “what you’re supposed to say.”  Especially when I think someone is making a huge mistake and that “someone” is a friend.  Friends are supposed to be honest with each other.  I had to bite my tongue to not tell him to save up for the divorce while saving up for the marriage.  For fuckssake, he’s 22 and she’s a year younger, I think.  They’re not even out of school yet.  What’s the rush?  (You can see on divorcerate.org that the percentage of divorce rate goes up the younger you get married.)

Oh, right.  They live in the suburbs. Marriage is on the brain much more in the suburbs - there’s nothing else to do!  DUH! They really don’t have anything else to do.  Once you’re over living in your parents house, you feel the need to move out and buy a house - but who wants to buy a house alone?  That’s why there’s the rush to get married.  Also, a lack of options.

I have a couple of friends who are in long term relationships that they got into during college.  It’s their first serious relationships, as well as the first people they’ve slept with.  These people are convinced they are going to marry said-LTR.  If they’re lucky, they won’t - and no, Mallory, I’m not talking about you!  (Especially because they’re going to have awful sex for the rest of their lives.  I should know, I would’ve had I not gotten out of my high school relationship.)

I don’t believe anyone should be getting married before their thirties. After reading Mallory’s dissertation on relationships tonight (which you should read, too), I realized that yes, age is arbitrary and that the number doesn’t matter, but the life experiences do matter.  You will not have dated as many people at 20 as you will have by 30, or even 23.  You need to experience life, by yourself or with your friends, before you “settle” for one person.  The term settle is quite appropriate - one is too lazy to be dating and wants to give up, aka settle for one person whom seems to be working out.  You have to date badly before you can truly be happy with someone in the long term, in my opinion.

Now, watch the irony as i go out to get yogurt and meet my future husband.  (Though after reading Lena Chen’s thesis on marriage, I’m not sure I want to perpetuate such an outdated ceremony.)

Imagine No Religion.

Whenever I voice my opinion on religion, my father replies that everyone has a right to their opinion, not matter how stupid and asinine it may be.  Well, if they have a right to voice their asinine opinions, I have a right to voice my [logical] ones.

It is my honest belief that religion has no place in modern society, other than for reflection on how we used to answer questions ‘back in the day.’  Religion, as I’ve always understood it, was used to answer questions that we had no answers to.  We have science now, we know about evolution.  We know what the sun is, and moon.  We know where babies come from and we know about sex (no, i’m not including the mormons in that statement).  We have answers to all of these questions now, hence religion has lost much of its meaning. 

tried the other day to think of something positive that religion has done for the world.  iI honestly couldn’t. Iit’s started wars, killed lots of people, made the poor poorer, and certain religions have even made it possible for people to deny others rights (marriage, abortion, etc.).  The only reason we could possibly still have for religion would be to figure out where we go after death.  I’ve never understood the concept of living sinlessly on earth so you can live better in a place that could very well be a big fat lie.  hy not just live happily in the life that you know for a fact that you have?  bBecause i know that i’d be pissed if i lived a life that lacked fun and then i died and… nothing.  no big pay off!  i guess that’s what they call having “faith,” but still, what’s the point?  i’ll say it again, live for your life now, not what comes later. 

marriage.  to gay or not to gay?  let’s face it, the moment that government gave tax breaks and sold marriage licenses, marriage was not religious. to quote Liszt and Eastons’ “the ethical slut,” “while we certainly think that same-sex couples are entitled to the same benefits as opposite-sex couples, we strongly question what business any of this is of the government’s.” while this may be a bit out off the topic of religion, the reason why the government is involved marriage is because of religion and people’s so called “morals.”

excuse me, but i’ll go out on a limb here and say that the term “morals” is just a sad excuse for someone to broadcast their harsh judgments upon another person or group of people. feel free to disagree.  when someone says that they’re not judging you, it’s just that they have morals, they’re lying - to themselves, and you.

my friend john, a [proud] gay man, said it best last september, “if marriage is truly a religious thing, let the churchs and synogues handle it and not the government.”  until then, the priest better keep their mouths shut (and their hands to themselves).

have you thought of anything positive religion has done?  please comment below if you have.  i’m still brainstorming. 

religion is keeping the united states from fully moving into the 21st century.  we could possibly have a cure for cancer right now if stem cell research hadn’t been so horribly protested by the religious right for so long.  thanks, jesus. 

they say ignorance is bliss.  wrong. ignorance is ignorance, that’s it.  why do kids become racist?  they’re ignorant when they’re young and don’t know any better than to listen to what their parents are saying.  ignorance perpetuates the stupidity that we see all over this country.  (watch “religulous” if you need to feel smarter.) 

there are people who honestly will tell you that they don’t live for their own happiness and the happiness of those they love, they live for jesus and god.  they live for things that they don’t know exist.  again, faith… whatever.  i guess i could live for santa clause then, i could have “faith” in him.  i really don’t see the difference. 

52% of the country now thinks that gay marriage should be legalized.  why can’t more of these people speak up?  oh yes, they live places where they’d be lynched if they did.  Matthew Sheppard, anyone?

like i said, it is my personal belief that religion has no place in modern society, so while all of the religious fanatics are busy living for god, excuse me while i go outside and live life.