that girl allison

In late 2011, I decided to rid myself of friends who didn’t make me feel good about myself, or talk to them and explain to them that I wasn’t happy with our friendship and how I wanted it to change. That sounds demanding but it was for the best for both of us (whoever the other person happened to be). One “friend” who I made the decision to completely cut off was someone who threatened to sue me after I did a[n admittedly bitchy] thing. But no matter what you do  - short of trying to murder your friend or their family - friends don’t threaten to sue each other. Plain and simple.

Well, the latest conundrum was a guy who I met a few weeks ago - we never dated, for the record - and we hung out twice, but he always seemed to be doing it out of pity. There definitely always seemed to be somewhere he’d rather be - at least that’s the impression his body language gave me. He’s also super arrogant, which he doesn’t deny at all. “Who has the time to be modest?” he says. I’m all for being proud of one’s accomplishments but I don’t think there’s a reason to be arrogant. Well, I sick of him always acting like it was a chore to talk to me so I took him off my Gchat list and that was that.

Last night, after a week and a half of radio silence on my end, he messaged me and asked why I’d been so quiet and I told him. He admitted to pushing people away who seemed interested in getting to know him because he doesn’t like himself enough so he doesn’t know why anyone else would either. That made me sad, though I knew that I couldn’t make him like himself at all, so I didn’t know what to say. He went on to say that when I went silent, I gave him the space he needed to miss me and he admitted that he did. That was slightly creepy, but I guess kind of nice of him to be admitting too? He said he wanted to put more time and effort into friendships in 2012 and I said great. 

He then asked if I wanted to hang out. It was 10:30 on Sunday night and I wasn’t at all presentable to be hanging out, and to be honest I didn’t want to hang out with someone who I didn’t know all that well, who’d been super odd thus far, late at night. I suggested today though, and that he was more than welcome to come over because there was a Sex and the City marathon on and I wasn’t leaving the house before 5pm when I was going to yoga. He seemed stoked and we planned to cook lunch and hang out.

Well, he blew me off today and when I emailed him I don’t appreciate being OBO’ed, he explained it was for a friend who’d just broken up with his girlfriend. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt and believing him. I’m having an unbelievably hard time trusting him and it’s weird because he hasn’t really done anything to warrant this distrust on my end. Is this the part where I’m supposed to trust my instinct or should I maybe stop being so judgmental?

I guess that’s it. The ball’s in his court now and it’ll stay there until he decides to make an effort. I’m working on the quality of my friends this year, not the quantity. Who wants to have 100 shitty friends when you could have 5 great ones?